Intentional Motherhood is totally #Goals for me. I’ve reached a point in life where I’m determined to become the best version of myself for ME and everyone I’m connected to. My first and most important ministry is found within the four walls of my home. I consider it a privilege to be entrusted with three beautiful little girls to love, teach and guide into womanhood.

Let’s start at the beginning so you’ll know how I arrived at this point in my motherhood journey!

Becoming a SAHM

I never had the desire to be a SAHM until I started dating my husband. His family vision was for his wife to be able to stay home with the kids until they reached school age to experience & be a part of those formative years. I was very career driven and had always had a desire to work and reach a certain level of success.After trying for 2 years to conceive, we found out we were expecting our first baby girl!! For the next few years, I was pregnant and giving birth every 18 months. 

November 2013 (Baby #1)  April 2015 (Baby #2) October 2016 (Baby #3)

 I went through several phases of feeling overjoyed as a mother, lost as a woman, and confused about this new identity. With each new blessing, I worried about how I could possibly multiply the immense amount of love I felt for my first born.

Thankfully it was a natural transition from career woman to stay at home mommy, and as it turns out, there was plenty of love to go around! 🙂

If you’re going through a tough season early in motherhood, embrace the season you’re in: nothing lasts forever. That goes for the good and the bad, so it’s best to come to terms with where you are at this particular point in your journey and make the most of it. 

There will be a period of time filled with feedings, late nights, sleep deprivation, tees & leggings, missed showers, nursing bras & lots of laundry. Take heart mamas. This too shall pass. 

After a few challenging years of mothering three toddlers, I decided that I wanted to be more intentional in parenting them. I had done the best I could in those early years, but the older they got, the easier our routine became. I wanted more for my girls than what I was giving them, so I made a choice to make a change…several of them. 

1. Set Intentional Goals

The unsolicited advice of others begins during your pregnancy and continues on for…I don’t know forever? 🙂 It is so important to discuss what kind of parents you want to be, what your priorities are for your children, and how you will handle discipline among other things. 

Will you allow them to make mistakes, or will you protect them from any and everything that could potentially cause physical or emotional harm? This was and still is super hard for me sometimes. As mothers, we naturally want to protect our children from anything that may cause them harm. However, what starts out as keeping them from minor bumps and challenges turns into their dependence on you coming to their rescue even after they should be self sufficient. Finding a balance here is key.

My number 1 priority is raising my children to know Jesus. As my parenting focus shifted, I realized that preparing them for the best schools and competition in the job market made absolutely no sense if they didn’t have a relationship with Him. Obedience to our life’s purpose opens doors for us that no degree or amount of money ever could. 

In that same token, I wanted my children to be kind and generous to others. My life choices are the example that my girls will follow. Therefore, I aim to show the love of Jesus in every way possible.

2. Check Your Response

How do you respond when your kiddos are doing the very thing you’ve told them not to? How about when they’ve argued with each other all day, or when they’re really needy and you’ve heard your name for the 100th time?

I used to respond quite often with an attitude in these situations. It’s hard not to get somewhat irritated when you have these kinds of days. But you know what? Our response holds more weight than we realize. When we respond out of anger or impatience, we inadvertently show them how to react to challenging situations. It is so important for us to keep it together when they can’t. When we take time to respond in love, we provide our children with a solid sounding board and a positive example of how to handle adversity.

I do a few quick things before opening my mouth so that I respond properly instead of reacting emotionally.

• Take a few deep breaths
• Think of how you can respond in a way that instructs & builds up instead of criticizing & tearing down
• Set your tone in your mind. Make sure you’re calm before you open your mouth or you might give an emotional response that you regret later (yelling, demeaning, etc)

Taking a few extra minutes to go through this process has helped me in so many ways. The girls are a lot more receptive when I correct them calmly. There are far more teaching opportunities this way, and I spend less time feeling irritated or upset by their behavior. Please know that these techniques are what I strive for daily, but I’m not perfect by far. I’m still a work in progress, but the more I practice these steps, the less I have to think about my response. It becomes second nature.

3. Celebrate Positive Behavior

I don’t know about you, but I tend to do more correcting than praising. It’s been said that we’re more vocal with negative feedback than we are with positive. (just read through restaurant reviews) I knew that had to change based on the lack of results yielded and the tone it created in our home.

It’s now my goal to look for any positive behavior that I can point out and celebrate like crazy! When the girls are sharing, playing nicely together, doing something kind, cleaning their room without me asking, etc. My reaction lets them know that this is the kind of behavior we want repeated. This is what being intentional looks like, ladies. It’s not complicated. It’s just being committed to doing the small things that are huge factors in accomplishing your parenting goals. 

A few examples: “I love how nicely you’re playing together!” “That was SO kind of you to share with your sister!” “You are such a BIG girl now cleaning your room better than Mommy!” (These compliments are usually accompanied with hugs and excited squeals from the girls)

I’m in the process of setting up a rewards system called, “caught you doing good”. It’s a chart with each of the girls’ names and the days of the week. They earn stickers each day for good behavior and kind deeds. At the end of the week, they get to choose from a variety of goodies in our special treasure box. 

I’m hoping by doing these things, the girls will be encouraged to keep kindness and obedience at the front of their minds always. It’s not about bribing them to do good. It’s about creating quality habits that will blossom throughout their lives. 

I don’t expect this method to work for everyone, but if you’re at a loss on where to start on your journey to intentional motherhood, it’s worth a shot. It’s certainly worked wonders for me and my family.

My hope for you is that you choose to be intentional even when it’s inconvenient or challenging. I also hope you’ll give yourself a little more grace each day. None of us are perfect parents, but we’re perfect for the little ones who call us Mom. 

Let me know what intentions you’ve set (or would like to set) for your children in the comments!

If you have time, hop over and check out this amazing open letter from a mom to her daughter about why she’s vowing to be an intentional mother! It’s so beautiful!